Can I get an addiction please?

I was talking with a friend today and we ended up discussing Tiger Woods and Jesse James. Not for their respective reasons for fame but their recent claims to fame--sex addiction. That led us to talking about the real issue--total a-holes who just won't take responsibility for being a-holes. It's way easier to blame an 'addiction'. Tiger claimed he was just taken over by the consuming desire to, you know... Hey, I'm a guy. I sort of know what it's like to see a hot babe, but guess what...I've never chased one (since being married).

Okay, so I don't have a sex addiction I guess. Maybe I just don't understand just how difficult it is for a rich, famous, have-it-all celebrity to keep his pants on. But my suspicion Tiger's just an a-hole. And I suspect he and Jesse find it easier to sleep at night feeling like they're duping the world into feeling some sympathy for them--because they have an addiction. Or by telling themselves they have an excuse for the abhorrent behavior and clear lack of respect for their wives. And that they can be presumably seen as much a victim as people who really do suffer from addictions--drugs, alcohol, and real sex addiction. Shame on them.

So, while on the train of thought--shifting responsibility for a scapegoat--I was considering what addictions I'd like to use to deflect some responsibilities. What about a couch addiction? That'd be a great excuse for not going to work. I could tell everyone just how every waking thought is consumed by the lust for laying on my couch watching Tivo'd episodes of Pawn Stars. Eating popcorn is a symptom. Not showering is part of bottoming out. Nice...

Or maybe a motorcycle addiction. I could avoid all my family responsibilities by being diagnosed with an addiction to the winding roads of the country. "They keep calling me!" Tiny voices in my head that make me hit the road when I know I should be going to bring the bacon home. It's terrible--that craving for the excuse to wear leather and all...

Seriously, what about something more dire? Like a bizarre dog addiction. Ooh, sounds creepy and like it must have a deep psychological cause. The constant want to walk my dogs, play with them, feed them, take them to the vet, on and on. Or just petting them...and petting them. That's disturbing isn't it?

I like this idea. Instead of 'manning up' and taking responsibility for my actions, or being an a-hole, I can just pick some thing out and claim to be addicted to it and blame it for all my misdeeds. Easy enough.

Only thing is, I can't in good conscious act as if any of them compare to the true suffering addicts endure when oppressed by really dark obsessions, many of them physical. Same reason I can't see why Tiger and Jesse feel so comfortable making a joke of the people who really are addicted, and need help, by pretending to be as dependent.

I think their only real addictions are self delusion and lack of moral character.

Posted via email from Stephen Speaks's posterous